Incest victim reveals her struggle to regain her life - 30 years on

Exclusive:>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Carolyn Robinson, 55, suffered

horrendous sexual abuse at the

hands of her alcoholic father. This

caused her a lifetime of anxiety,

depression and eating disorders as

she kept her past secret from her

family and friends. She tells Closer

about her ordeal as her book is

released. This are your words >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 'I can still see myself in my bedroom as a

child, my tiny legs thrashing on the bed. I

was about 11 or 12, and my father was

sexually abusing me.

When this used to happen I would stare at

the window, or something in my room,

just to pretend it wasn't happening, that I

wasn't there.

My brother, who died years ago following

a long addiction to heroin and alcohol,

remembers coming in on one such

occasion when he was five and hearing

me crying. He said he ran up and down

the stairs as loudly as he could so

someone would hear him and maybe the

abuse would stop. But it never did.

He was just 41 when he died and he

never managed to get the help he needed

to fight his demons. I was devastated

when I found out he was doing drugs. I

fetched him several times and got him

clean, and the final time he had agreed to

come and live with us permanently, but

he ran out of time.

'My first kiss was stolen from

me, I couldn't dance with

boys, couldn't have proper

relationships - everything

was a constant struggle.'

For years I lost out on all the normal

parts of teenage life. My first kiss was

stolen from me, I couldn't dance with

boys, couldn't have proper relationships -

everything was a constant struggle.

The problem with incest, or any kind of

abuse within the family, is that there are

so many mixed emotions. You still love

that person in a way - they are your

family member - despite what they're

doing to you.

I idolised my father, I thought he was the

best dad in the world, and I was closer to

him than I ever was to my mother - who

never seemed that bothered by me.

But despite my idolisation, he was a cruel

man who took my childhood away from

me, and changed the course of my life


'Telling my family about my

ordeal was very hard...But

they love you and they will

accept you as you are'

I struggled constantly with depression,

anxiety and eating disorders, until I

eventually had a full on break down in

2000. I had to leave work, and that was

the point where I was finally given the

therapy I needed.

Telling my family about my ordeal was

very hard, especially for my son (now 34),

who struggled with the idea that I had

been through that. But they love you and

they will accept you as you are.

Now, at 55, I have reclaimed my life. I

have an amazing family, two children and

several grandchildren, I had a successful

career in London for years, and I've just

written my own book.

I want my story to be a message to people

who have had this hurt in their lives - it's

not too late, you can have a life, a happy

life. Just make sure you get the help you


About EMDR

*Carolyn was prescribed EMDR

(eye movement desensitisation

and reprocessing therapy)

*It's used for treatment of post

traumatic stress disorder,

especially with soldiers

*Ideal for those who experienced

severe trauma that remains


*In Carolyn's case, she was asked

to pick a trusted person who

she would 'take with her'

through the parts of her

memory she was too scared to

visit. Upon doing so, therapists

are able to unlock traumatic

events that have been essentially

'locked up' for can

Buy Carolyn's book The Silent Amongst Us by this link.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>